The World in Shadow (Eternal Warriors Book 2) Page 16

“Yes, he’s in.” Was she looking at him with pity, or with contempt? “Would you like me to tell him—”

  “No, I’ll just walk in on him,” Brien broke in. He held up a hand. “Yes, I know where he is, thank you.”

  He could feel the adrenaline flowing through his veins. His vision narrowed, and everything took on a hyper-real appearance as if he was about to go into combat. He marched down the bland grey-carpeted hallway like an automaton, turning corners without thinking about anything but his ultimate destination. He reached the door he was seeking and paused for a moment with his hand on the doorknob.

  William Henry, it said on the door, in black letters engraved onto a light grey plate. The plate was held between two pieces of metal designed so that it could be easily removed. Just place your fingers on it, and slide it… and it would be gone. Just like that.

  Did they take it down right away, he wondered, or did they just leave it sitting there, a meaningless name attached to an empty space, until the next guy came along? He swallowed hard and leaned against the door, then slowly turned the doorknob.

  Dad was sitting at his desk, looking thoughtful and tapping his pen against his oversized dayplanner. His office was a large one, with two padded chairs facing towards the whiteboard which hung on the wall behind the desk. It looked like the office of someone who mattered to the company, but didn’t matter very much, which, being a middle manager’s office, was exactly what it was. At the sound of the door opening, Dad glanced up, then pushed his chair back and raised his eyebrows when he realized who his unexpected visitor was.

  “Brien?” He didn’t sound entirely pleased. “Well, this is a nice surprise. What are you doing here?”

  Brien clenched his teeth, trying to remember what it was that he’d planned to say. He’d thought about a million different ways to begin this conversation on the way over, but now, he couldn’t think of anything to say. He could feel a teary pressure building in his eyes, and he bit his lip, desperately determined not to break down now.

  “Dad,” he said slowly, unsurely. “Dad, what is this about you and Mom?”

  He stared intently at his father, seeing Dad’s eyes widen behind his glasses, and saw understanding enter in. Dad nodded, and looked away, then laid his pen down on the dayplanner and stood up from his desk. He was shorter than Brien, and heavier, but there was a certain charisma to him that Brien himself had always lacked. Dad didn’t have any good friends the way Brien had Derek, but he always had plenty of buddies to go golfing or bowling with him, and everyone seemed to know him at the big picnics that the company sponsored from time to time during the summer.

  Dad closed the door softly, and pointed to one of the chairs.

  “Have a seat, son. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but to be honest, I just didn’t know how to start.”

  He sounded genuinely sorry as he sat down in the other chair and crossed one leg across his knee. Brien didn’t really feel like sitting, but he sat down anyhow.

  “Brien, you’re almost a man now, so let’s have a man-to-man talk, okay? I know you’ve had all those sex-ed classes, so I don’t need to tell you anything about the birds and the bees. But tell me something, have you dated much?”

  What the hell did that have to do with anything. Brien was incredulous.

  “What?”

  “Okay, well, I know you haven’t really been out with too many girls, I mean, your mother and I have talked about it before.” Dad waved his hands expansively. “I never did that sort of thing much myself, back in the day. I wasn’t one of the popular people, I didn’t play any sports, you know how it is….”

  “Yeah,” Brien admitted grudgingly, unfortunately, he did know.

  “So that’s how I was when I met your mother. I didn’t know anything about the world then, about how it really worked. And she was different then, you know? She was excited to see me, she’d spend hours getting ready for one of our dates, even if we were just going out for a walk in the park. She had a certain, I don’t know, a spark. That’s it, she had a spark.”

  Dad sighed and raised one hand to his forehead. He paused for a moment to massage his brow.

  “That was a long time ago. Twenty-five years. Almost one-quarter of a century. Now, when I walk into the house, she doesn’t even get up from the TV. She doesn’t care about her appearance as far as I can tell, and as far as, well, other things go, man, you can just forget about it!”

  Brien winced. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear any of this. He was still angry, but it was hard to deny the apparent truth of what Dad was saying. How would he feel if he were in Dad’s shoes? He’d heard Mom getting on Dad’s back plenty of times over one little thing or another, and he’d often wondered how Dad could just ignore it and go on as if nothing had happened. Maybe, he realized with a start, maybe Dad hadn’t been ignoring it after all.

  “But Dad,” he protested. “Even if that’s all true, you can’t just walk out on her like this. You have to work with Mom, to change things for the better! And it’s not right either, I mean, what about ‘til death do you part’ and all that sort of thing?”

  Dad shrugged.

  “What about it? It’s just words. There’s no such thing as black and white, Brien, you’ve learned that by now. Everybody gets one life to live, and it’s our responsibility to get the most out of it. I’m not the same man I was twenty-four years ago and neither is your mother. I’ve changed, I’ve moved on. I may not be the most successful guy in the world, but this new job, heading up all the sales for the five-state region isn’t too bad. It’s an important region for the company, Brien, and in five, ten years, who knows? I could make division manager, or maybe even vice-president. Not bad, huh?”

  No, it wasn’t bad, Brien thought, but that wasn’t the point.

  “That’s the problem, really,” Dad concluded. “I’ve moved on in the world, and your mother hasn’t.”

  “So that justifies everything?” Brien asked, not seeing any holes in Dad’s logic, but unable to accept it either. “That makes it right to just, I mean, run off to Cleveland with your secretary or whoever?”

  Dad’s face darkened and he wagged his finger towards Brien.

  “Don’t you presume to judge me, son. And don’t you bring Gretchen into this either. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Okay, okay, Dad, maybe I don’t,” Brien saw that he’d stepped across a line and quickly retreated. “But isn’t it wrong? I just don’t see how can it be right for you to dump Mom and replace her with somebody else?”

  Dad sighed and rubbed at his temples.

  “Brien, what you have to understand is that this isn’t about your mother. And what’s right for one person isn’t always right for someone else. This isn’t about what’s right or wrong for anybody else, it’s just about what’s right for me, okay? And if it’s right for me, then it can’t be wrong, can it?”

  How could he argue with that? He couldn’t, Brien concluded, feeling frustrated. Everybody had the right to live their life however they wanted, that was what democracy was all about. Could he judge Dad, or tell him what he should or shouldn’t do? No, because no one had the right to do that. Dad was the only one who could decide what was right or wrong for his life.

  He shrugged sadly, knowing there was nothing he could say. Dad smiled with relief, seeing that he seemed to understand where Dad was coming from.

  “Come on, Brien, it’s not like this is going to change your life. You’re not a little kid anymore, and you’re going to be starting a whole new chapter at the U. Boy, do I envy you! College is a great time, one of the best times of your life! You’ll be way too busy to worry about what your old Dad is up to.”

  “The U?” Brien exclaimed. “Dad, what are you talking about? You know I got accepted to Northwestern! Why would I go to the U?”

  Dad took off his glasses and polished them uncomfortably.

  “It’s your decision, of course, Brien. Northwestern is a very good school, there’s no doubt abo
ut it. Of course, it’s also very expensive. How do you plan to pay for it?”

  Pay for it? Brien lurched back in his chair, unable to believe his ears. What do you mean, pay for it?

  “But… you said….” He stumbled over the words in his shock. “You said last fall that I could go there if they accepted me! We talked about it before I even applied!”

  “Yes, we did,” Dad agreed. He folded his hands and looked Brien straight in the eyes. “But, as you are obviously aware, the circumstances have changed. It’s very expensive to end a marriage, thanks to those sharks in suits who call themselves divorce lawyers, and I have no doubt that your mother will find a very good one who will point out how long we were married, and what kind of style she’s become accustomed to, and all that other nonsense.”

  He rolled his eyes and scratched his head.

  “Highway robbery, is what it is,” he concluded bitterly. “But that’s neither here nor there. The point is that I simply can’t afford to pay for Northwestern, Brien, and I don’t think you can either. And furthermore, I don’t think you should. What’s the matter with the University of Minnesota? It’s a very good school with a very good reputation. It was good enough for me, after all.”

  Brien buried his face in his hands. This was not happening, he told himself. It simply couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t fair! For the last two years, he’d been telling himself that all he had to do was make it to graduation and he’d be rid of the idiots and the bullies forever. They could go off to their stupid jock schools and drink until their brains were pickled, while he spent four years with civilized, intelligent people, getting a real education.

  He suddenly had a nightmarish image of walking into one overcrowded classroom and spotting, in the middle of two hundred people, Kent Peterson. He could just see Kent pointing at him, and whispering stories about Mounds Park to the people sitting on either side of him. He imagined them looking at him and making fun of him, the same way the kids at Mounds Park had always laughed at him, and he could feel the loser persona that he’d tried so hard to shed hardening around him as it was cemented forever in stone. He might as well get an L tattoed on his forehead, he realized, as go the U. At the U, there would be no escaping hell, not in college and not ever.

  “Please, Dad, you can’t do this to me,” he begged. “I need to go to Northwestern, otherwise, I’ll just be trapped and nothing will ever change! You don’t understand!”

  Dad’s face turned ugly and he started to raise his voice.

  “I don’t understand? You need to go to Northwestern? Do you hear what you’re saying, Brien? You talk about being trapped, and that’s exactly my point! You think you’re trapped in school? Ha! Try being married for twenty years!”

  “But Dad, I can’t go to the U. It’s impossible!”

  His father stood up and placed his hands on his hips. He was angry, more angry than Brien had ever seen him before.

  “Listen to me, young man. I don’t know what your problem is with the University, but from your very immature and selfish reaction, it’s clear to see that your mother spoiled you far too much. I always warned her about that. You wanted a car when you were sixteen, you got a car. You wanted a computer, you got a computer. And who paid for it?”

  He paused for dramatic effect.

  “I did, that’s who!”

  Brien looked away as his father scowled at him. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I might have rather bought something for myself instead of working my butt off trying to give you what you wanted? Or to give your mother what she wanted? Apparently not!”

  Brien felt simply awful. He felt sick inside. Somehow this whole conversation had gone wrong, terribly wrong, and while he knew that it must be his fault, he wasn’t sure what it was that he’d done. All he’d meant to do was to keep Dad from leaving Mom, and now he’d antagonized Dad too.

  “Dad…” he protested feebly. “I didn’t mean… it’s not that….”

  “I know, I know,” Dad relented, and he reached out to grip Brien’s shoulders firmly. “This thing with your mother is a shock, I know. But it happens. I can still remember when my parents got divorced when I was twelve, and back then, I thought it was the end of the world. But you know what, it wasn’t. It won’t be for you either.”

  Brien nodded slowly, and surreptitiously brushed a tear away from the corner of his eye. Dad was probably right. Sometimes these things just happened, and there wasn’t anything anybody could do about it. That was between Mom and Dad, and it really wasn’t his business. But his future was another matter, and even if Dad couldn’t afford to pay for Northwestern, there were a lot of colleges that weren’t in-state.

  “Dad, I understand about Northwestern, I really do.” He paused, afraid to set his father off again, but even more afraid of keeping silent. “But, um, I don’t think Madison costs any more than the U, and I think Stoudt is still taking applications too.

  Dad nodded and smiled sympathetically.

  “You’re a smart kid, Brien, and I knew you’d understand.”

  He chucked Brien on the shoulder. “Why don’t you get some information on those schools, and we’ll go over it before I leave for Cleveland the weekend after next.”

  Cleveland? Oh, God, was everything happening so soon? Brien felt as if he had suddenly turned into a statue that had been carved out of a flawed piece of marble. He could feel the fractures snaking their way through his mind, weakening him, disintegrating him, and he hoped desperately that he could hold himself together long enough to walk out of the building without completely falling apart and breaking down in tears.

  “Okay, I’ll work on it, Dad,”

  Brien forced himself to smile pleasantly at his father. It wasn’t easy, but he did it. As he closed the door of his father’s office behind him, he was hoping that Derek had a shitload of weed on hand, because what he needed right now was to get as high as a freaking kite. With any luck, he’d be able to forget everything that had happened today for at least a few hours. That was his plan for this afternoon. As for what he’d do about the rest of his life, he had absolutely no idea.

  Chapter 15

  Smoke on the Waters

  I just want to fly

  Like a birdie in the sky, I'm so high

  High, high, high, high, higher than high

  —Sugar Ray, (“I Just Want To Fly”)

  Brien closed his eyes, feeling a smooth wave of relaxation begin to flow over him as he inhaled deeply. The water pipe gurgled noisily, then fell silent as he held his breath and felt the familiar burn heating up his lungs. He waited, counting to twenty, then to fifteen. He’d reached five for the third time when the pressure inside him finally overcame him and he coughed explosively, hard enough to make his eyes water.

  “There you go,” Derek patted him on the back. “Now hit it again.”

  He’d barely managed to get out the news of the disasters that were ruining his life before Derek had cut him off and made for the stash of pharmaceuticals that were hidden in the bottom of his desk drawer.

  “Doctor Wallace is in the howwse,” Derek told him moments later, smiling sympathetically and presenting him with a packed water pipe. “Instant inner peace, just add fire.”

  Brien was grateful. It touched him deeply to know that Derek understood what he needed without him even having to say anything. Sometimes you really don’t need to talk about your problems, you just need to forget them. And boy, did he ever need to forget today!

  “How do you feel?” Derek asked him after a few minutes had passed, once they’d burned through the last of the bong’s second packing.

  “Better, I guess,” Brien replied slowly. And he did feel better, just not better enough. “Now I feel like someone who’s high, but still wants to kill their father.”

  Derek nodded thoughtfully.

  “Ah, you leave zee doktor wiz no choice,” he said with a Pythonesque German accent. “Vee must bring out zee heavy artillery!”

  His friend fumbled around in
the lowest drawer of his desk and came out with a small ball of tin foil. Derek unfolded it carefully, and as he spread out the foil on top of an old Werewolf compendium, the loosely packed powder inside it collapsed into a little brown pyramid. It rather resembled cinnamon, except it was a good deal darker. Brien didn’t know what it was.

  “That’s hash, isn’t it.”

  “No, no, it’s much better than that. It’s crystal dope. Laurence McKenzie says it’s better than acid, which is high praise coming from someone who’s massacred more brain cells than Timothy Leary ever did.”

  Brien was finding it hard to follow Derek, but he felt pretty sure this wasn’t necessarily because he was high.

  “It’s kind of powdery. What do you do, snort it?”

  “No, just hold the lighter under the foil. The heat will vaporize it and you can inhale it.” Derek reached out and pushed his hand away. “Not the whole thing! Just let me shake some off here.”

  Brien watched with curiosity as Derek expertly shook a small pile off onto another piece of tin foil. His friend frowned, examined the second pile, then added a little bit more to it.

  “There you go, just open your mouth over it and breath in as it heats up. It’s kind of like crack.”

  “Crack?” Brien cried out, alarmed. “I’m not doing that, man. No way!”

  “Relax,” Derek rolled his eyes. “It’s not like crack in that it’s a cocaine derivative, it’s just got a similar delivery system. Effect-wise, it’s a lot more like acid, except it only lasts, like, twenty minutes. But it’s pretty doggone trippy.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Brien felt embarassed about his outburst. Of course there was nothing to worry about. Derek knew what he was doing. He was practically a professional. “Well, all right then.”

  Derek laughed suddenly.

  “I read about it for the first time in Mondo 2000. Remember that? Mondo was the coolest magazine back in the day. Anyhow, there was this massive drug conference or something, and McKenzie, that guy I told you about earlier, well, he’s a PhD, and he wrote about how this stuff opens up a window for your mind to enter this alternate universe. The thing is, he says there’s elves living in this other universe. Seriously, elves, no shit. And he’s going on and on about how he talks to the elves, and how they’re really wise, and they just know, like, everything. I guess they were filling him in on the secrets of the universe or something like that.”